August 31, 2011


My Brief OkCupid Affair With a World Champion Magic: The Gathering Player, or ALYSSA BEREZNAK IS AN ASSHOLE.

"Why can't I just find a NICE guy?"
"All the good ones are taken..."
"Dating sucks. They're all assholes."

I hear people complain all the time about how tough it is to find that special someone, but if half of the people out there are as ridiculously shallow and cunty as Alyssa, then they deserve their loneliness.


This woman's humorous summary wraps it up quite well (though many of the commenters seem to have missed her sarcasm):

Apparently, she got fired. Shocking, I know. Here is a comment thread from Greg's wall after he re-posted my link as well:

Oreo Shake Nutritional Info: HOW THE SHIT IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE??

These are the kinds of emails I get from Shawn. This is why I love him.

"also, you know gay people......
are there any gay strip clubs in the city?
i am thinking of opening one called "BANDITOS".
the sign would light up like the dirk diggler sign in boogie nights, but it would also have two red flashing "BANG"s on each side of the sign...kind of off set so you get a BANG....Bang effect.
our lead dancer will be named KYLE DELICIOUS.
let me know if this idea could fly in edmonton."

Not sure how healthy it is to have an 'Okay Life, let's see what you got' attitude, but me & this giant coffee are about to fuck shit up.

Insane Clown Posse & Jack White: LECK MICH IM ARSCH.

Beethoven + Juggalo Transmogrification = Beef Oven. Stunning.

August 30, 2011

It's the Bee's House Now. Just Let Them Have It.

Time You Enjoy Wasting is Never Wasted Time.

Greg and I got to spend the last 2 days off together. That rarely happens.

We didn't do a lot. Mostly we slept in, listened to records, read, laughed, he did some sketches, I wrote some postcards.

We made lovely french pressed coffee in the mornings, and either made a meal or hit up a sweet new local Thai place in the evenings. We watched True Blood and Curb Your Enthusiasm and Louie.

At one point, I curled up on Greg's lap while he was sitting on the couch and buried my face in his neck while he rubbed my back and told me how much he loved me. If anyone asked what we did, we'd most likely reply "Not much."

But when Greg asked me "Do you think other couples love each other as much as we do?" I replied
"I hope so."

August 28, 2011

Fiona Apple: SO SLEEPY.

I was missing Fiona Apple today. And I love anything Jon Brion touches so this was a pleasant surprise that slipped under my radar. The 2011 spring Fiona release was, as expected, a fantasy. I'm still waiting though...

August 27, 2011

Your Ari of the Day: Die You Commie Trash.

This is what Ari had to say regarding the news that Hugo Chavez has once again announced his continuing battle with prostate cancer:

You stay classy, Mr. David.

August 25, 2011

The Best of Rob. (With Update)

Rob is my boyfriend's cousin. We see him very rarely and when we do, he almost always has something to complain about. The last time we saw him he hijacked the conversation because he was having (Requested EDIT: "life") difficulties. He then became extra sensitive about a joke a mutual friend made and flipped out at him causing him to leave. We had stopped by the pub for nachos on the patio and ended up in the middle of a bad reality show somehow. He consistently swings by my facebook page to criticize and argue and berate things I post, and most of the time I ignore it or find humour in it because I honestly believed that he was trying to be funny and just coming off wrong. But I think I was being a bit too kind.

Indeed, the post was more to showcase in idiotic fashion the amount of people I see on a daily basis trying desperately to get me and others to read their shitty blogs. I get at least 5 tweet PMs a day asking me to check out someone's blog. They leave me blog messages with their URLs and they politely request that now, because they have read my blog, could I please read theirs. It is ridiculous, as was my facebook post. Unfortunately, it was taken a bit more seriously than I had intended and this was the ensuing thread. (That being said, no one on Twitter seemed to have trouble deciphering the humour, but that is the glory of Twitter.) Rob, not ever being someone to allow an opportunity to be a critical dick pass him by, chimed in with his comment that NO, he does NOT read my blog consistently and how sad it is that I even request it, and also can I please shut the fuck up already? He doesn't need to log into facebook each day and only see my three or four tweets and perhaps a video post that he usually enjoys. He only has 85 friends. He doesn't have the time or the patience for it right now. Also, it seems he doesn't have the patience to figure out how to block me or de-friend me either. He does, however, have all the time in the world to publicly deride me. You see, a private message asking me to take it easy on the tweet-statuses or just learning how to block someone and doing so silently would not have the added bonus of publicly shaming me. And, as anyone who has witnessed the wrath of Rob will attest, there is no pleasure in it for him if he doesn't make someone else look bad. Indeed, he is a lovely human being.

But perhaps he DOES have the right to criticize my tweets and ensuing facebook statuses? Maybe he has a point? I am the first to admit defeat and bow down to the master if one is deserving of such a title. So I went to Rob's facebook page to see what someone with such selective social media sensibilities would have to offer the world:

Well, granted, a broken dishwasher would be a drag.

School's a big event.

He built a fence. This came with pics.

Home renos... the unending saga.

Interesting. Tell me more...

I see, I see. This is getting interesting...

Rob, letting everyone know that if we want to see him, we have to work for it. Thanks, Boss.

Drivers! They be CRAZY!

With added sound effects. This is more an action status compared to his other insomnia status.

That IS awesome, Rob.

So, as you can see, it makes perfect sense that Rob feel justified in publicly calling out my tweeting/facebooking abilities. The kind of talent, ingenuity, and wit required to describe the feeling of not being able to sleep or the creativity of articulating how drivers never know how to drive should not be overlooked or overshadowed by some chick talking about punching babies and lemonade stands that don't take credit. That is grounds for any man to step in and correct my behaviour.

And so, Rob, consider this my public thank you. Thank you for making sure you went out of your way to tear me down just so I could pick myself up, dust myself off, and tell you to go fuck yourself.

It feels good, doesn't it?


Rob handled it with dignity. It was surprising and showed character.

... and I did.

August 12, 2011

I Don't Know Why. This is Just How My Mind Works.

Dear Boys.

"Finding a good woman is a bit difficult because I believe that being a good woman is more than just not being fuct up. It means that you have taken being a good person/a good friend/ a good girlfriend seriously. That you uphold being respectful and resourceful and interdependent with those you care about. And that usually means that they are in satisfying relationships... not just because "all the good ones are gone", but because the good ones know how to create their own happiness. Even if the men aren't the cinematic versions of manly perfection that romcoms have led us believe exist." 

-Me, being verbose, as usual.