October 29, 2011

A Post Few & Far (In the War) Between.

Some people have asked why I don't write more often.
A lot of people have complained that I don't write enough.

Sure, my amusing and absurd posts are fun, but I get the feeling that some people look to this blog to learn more about me as a person through posts such as Shut up About Hating Edmonton, or Why Did You Kill My Favourite Radio Station?

I recommend you stop doing that.

My reason for posting ridiculous and forgettable meme-esque things I have found on the internet is a very deliberate decision. I am no longer in the habit of taking my expressions to the blogosphere for people who may or may not care. I am no longer 22 with an aching desire for the world to understand me. I am no longer in such melodramatic pain and social anguish at the fear of rejection and failure that I must find an outlet for discovery and connection to ease the impending depression and possible (probable?) drinking binge.

I have other areas for that now.
And they are less in demand.

I now have a bit of a change in direction in my life and the way I wish to create the world I reflect. I AM ridiculous. I DO appreciate the absurd. I AM sassy and superficial and subjective about the idiocy of human relations sometimes. And this blog, as boring and offensive and cleverly contrived and self deprecating and disgusting and delightful as it can be sometimes, is the absolute most authentic way I can reflect myself to you all right now.

This blog IS me.

Sure, there may not be the verbose diatribes about human connection and social responsibility and romantic retaliation that I was a bit famous for back in the Arbitrary Comfort days, but I am just not that person anymore. I have chosen to express myself in the sound-bite exerpts & snapshots of enjoyment that I experience throughout my day and hope some of you will dig it as well and will find yourself smiling amongst the files of deadlines, task bars of red alerts, date books of obligations, and long commutes that just seem to get longer. This is the way I live now. For the tiny moments of awesome.

When shit gets heavy, I take it to my rock of a boyfriend Greg, or my loving-without-judgment family, or friends like the brilliantly misunderstood Tiv Lavrie, or my absolute favourite pub The Crown & Anchor, where Marko and the staff of filthy mouthed, big hearted, sex driven heathens make me feel safer and more free to be me than any therapists office or counceling centre ever could.

And this allows me to come back here and laugh with abandon and cry with compassion and love with altruism. Because now, more than ever before, it's just not always about me. A shock to some, I am sure, but a long overdue rite of passage.

So, please do not misunderstand my intention with this particular blog. The posts have intention; they are not just an obligatory means to an apathetic end. I just feel that sharing with you the email post that got sent to me yesterday and made me laugh until I almost peed (not even kidding) is a much more appropriate way to show you that my life, while not the most verbose at times, really does look like this:

I do hope you are as amused as I am. I do wish you guys all the best in whatever ways you are choosing to create yourselves. It is a fun and scary journey. and if you need some atrocity or absurdity, you all know where you can come.

Love you guys.
And thanks for everything.


Ezzie said...

Self-awareness is a beautiful thing. I love your blog and all the aspects of you it reveals. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Anonymous said...

We love you!

Anonymous said...

I was one of the ones who wished that you would write more. I never looked at it this way. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

You are the coolest cat, Millar.