October 30, 2011

October 29, 2011

Apple Martini- Shaken AND Stirred, no Doubt.

Sometimes Parents Just "Know."

This is Why I Will Never Feel Sad About Getting Older.

Fuck "girls", man.

"I Don't Want to Live on This Planet With You Guys Anymore..."

David Blaine Parody: Part 4. FINALLY.

The stare is back.

You Guys Ready for Your Halloweekend?

A Post Few & Far (In the War) Between.

Some people have asked why I don't write more often.
A lot of people have complained that I don't write enough.

Sure, my amusing and absurd posts are fun, but I get the feeling that some people look to this blog to learn more about me as a person through posts such as Shut up About Hating Edmonton, or Why Did You Kill My Favourite Radio Station?

I recommend you stop doing that.

My reason for posting ridiculous and forgettable meme-esque things I have found on the internet is a very deliberate decision. I am no longer in the habit of taking my expressions to the blogosphere for people who may or may not care. I am no longer 22 with an aching desire for the world to understand me. I am no longer in such melodramatic pain and social anguish at the fear of rejection and failure that I must find an outlet for discovery and connection to ease the impending depression and possible (probable?) drinking binge.

I have other areas for that now.
And they are less in demand.

I now have a bit of a change in direction in my life and the way I wish to create the world I reflect. I AM ridiculous. I DO appreciate the absurd. I AM sassy and superficial and subjective about the idiocy of human relations sometimes. And this blog, as boring and offensive and cleverly contrived and self deprecating and disgusting and delightful as it can be sometimes, is the absolute most authentic way I can reflect myself to you all right now.

This blog IS me.

Sure, there may not be the verbose diatribes about human connection and social responsibility and romantic retaliation that I was a bit famous for back in the Arbitrary Comfort days, but I am just not that person anymore. I have chosen to express myself in the sound-bite exerpts & snapshots of enjoyment that I experience throughout my day and hope some of you will dig it as well and will find yourself smiling amongst the files of deadlines, task bars of red alerts, date books of obligations, and long commutes that just seem to get longer. This is the way I live now. For the tiny moments of awesome.

When shit gets heavy, I take it to my rock of a boyfriend Greg, or my loving-without-judgment family, or friends like the brilliantly misunderstood Tiv Lavrie, or my absolute favourite pub The Crown & Anchor, where Marko and the staff of filthy mouthed, big hearted, sex driven heathens make me feel safer and more free to be me than any therapists office or counceling centre ever could.

And this allows me to come back here and laugh with abandon and cry with compassion and love with altruism. Because now, more than ever before, it's just not always about me. A shock to some, I am sure, but a long overdue rite of passage.

So, please do not misunderstand my intention with this particular blog. The posts have intention; they are not just an obligatory means to an apathetic end. I just feel that sharing with you the email post that got sent to me yesterday and made me laugh until I almost peed (not even kidding) is a much more appropriate way to show you that my life, while not the most verbose at times, really does look like this:

I do hope you are as amused as I am. I do wish you guys all the best in whatever ways you are choosing to create yourselves. It is a fun and scary journey. and if you need some atrocity or absurdity, you all know where you can come.

Love you guys.
And thanks for everything.

October 19, 2011

How a Virgin Sees a Vagina.

I know, it was initially posted as "How a Gay Man Sees a Vagina" but I think that is much more ridiculous. They prefer cock, they aren't uninformed thirteen year olds.

October 17, 2011

Toddler Crushed. More Than a Dozen People Pass Without Aid.

(Link site NSFW.)


Link to story on Yahoo, update:


Yangcheng Evening News quoted the man who first struck Yue Yue as saying, "If it was you who hit someone, you'd run too. You can see the little girl, looking around when she walked. If she walked properly, how could I hit her?"

What the Shit is Nicholas Cage Talking About?

Today Actually Felt Like a Monday.

Liam Neeson is a Bit of a Bitch.

Final Post: Jamie Hubley Leaves Suicide Note on His Tumblr Account.

Jamie Hubley, a 15-year old gay teen in Ottawa, committed suicide on Friday after experiencing bullying at school, Andy Towle notes. “Hubley documented the final month of his life in heartbreaking and painful detail” on his blog, noting, “I hate being the only open gay guy in my school … It fucking sucks, I really want to end it.”


October 8, 2011

October 3, 2011

Sandy Fishnets: Evelyn Evelyn.

My very fave from the album.
Evelyn Evelyn

Sandy fishnets, washed up on the shore.
What’s she catching, and will she be sore?

Sandy was the prettiest of all.
She talked French, she came from Montreal.
During chores she never had to help.
Sandy got a bed all to herself.
We slept in the trailer to the right.
Sandy told us stories late at night.
She spoke of ships and sailors,
And a sea so big and wide.
She had lots of uncles and was always tired.

How they loved her in those early days.
Mrs. Bulger let her go away.
All her uncles drove her off to play.
We would see them kissing on the lake.
Time went by and Sandy’s all grown up.
The lines of uncles dwindled,
And the pirate stories stopped.
Then one day Melissa May showed up,
And Sandy had to share a bed with us.

And will she be soaring over the sea,
With the wind in her sails and a knife in her teeth?
At the helm of a ship, on its way to a distant shore,
Bermuda or Thailand, an uncharted island,
Sandy, we’re all getting older.
What will they do with us,
When they are through with us?
Sandy, what are we sailing for?

Christmas morning, 1993,
Presents waiting underneath the tree.
There’s a box for me, a box for me.
No gift for poor old Sandy to be seen.
We found Sandy sobbing quietly.
Uncle Gerald said he liked Christine.
Mrs. Bulgar said she had to leave.
Three days later, she was gone,
The day she turned thirteen.

Subtle, Costco.

Hank Williams Jr. Hates Golf. Or Health Care. Or Hitler. Or the Three Stooges. I Don't Fucking Know.

He supported Sarah Palin.
Can we get this guy a beer and a guitar?

Occupy Wallstreet- An Ariel View.

Beware of Photoshop, you guys. While Occupy Wallstreet is a very prominent cause, don't believe everything you see.


October 2, 2011

Anonymous - The Bankers Are The Problem .

OCCUPY WALLSTREET: The War on Terror Looks Better on Us, Don't You Think?

The police actually directed the protesters to the bridge and once there, arrested them en masse. Kind of like the G20's "Free Speech" zone. Tell them it's OK to go there, then "kettle". This is what our democracy now looks like:

Apparently, if you want the real story, you can read some articles in the British Site Mail Online, which is the only publication that has bothered reporting on this story at all since it's inception three weeks ago. Even the CBC reported that:

"protesters swarm Brooklyn Bridge..."

That didn't happen. There are many video streams that clearly show the police herding them onto the bridge like cattle. The reporting that has been done on this story will be a clear litmus test to the integrity and professionalism our journalists still possess.

From what I have seen, the police have been more of a danger than the protesters, but the news outlets have made sure that most of the videos have been deleted from YouTube, the stories are covered with bias, and the evidence has been discarded.

Nothing to see here.  Clearly.

First ‘official’ statement from the Occupy Wall Street movement.


As we gather together in solidarity to express a feeling of mass injustice, we must not lose sight of what brought us together. We write so that all people who feel wronged by the corporate forces of the world can know that we are your allies.
As one people, united, we acknowledge the reality: that the future of the human race requires the cooperation of its members; that our system must protect our rights, and upon corruption of that system, it is up to the individuals to protect their own rights, and those of their neighbors; that a democratic government derives its just power from the people, but corporations do not seek consent to extract wealth from the people and the Earth; and that no true democracy is attainable when the process is determined by economic power. We come to you at a time when corporations, which place profit over people, self-interest over justice, and oppression over equality, run our governments. We have peaceably assembled here, as is our right, to let these facts be known.
They have taken our houses through an illegal foreclosure process, despite not having the original mortgage.
They have taken bailouts from taxpayers with impunity, and continue to give Executives exorbitant bonuses.
They have perpetuated inequality and discrimination in the workplace based on age, the color of one’s skin, sex, gender identity and sexual orientation.
They have poisoned the food supply through negligence, and undermined the farming system through monopolization.
They have profited off of the torture, confinement, and cruel treatment of countless nonhuman animals, and actively hide these practices.
They have continuously sought to strip employees of the right to negotiate for better pay and safer working conditions.
They have held students hostage with tens of thousands of dollars of debt on education, which is itself a human right.
They have consistently outsourced labor and used that outsourcing as leverage to cut workers’ healthcare and pay.
They have influenced the courts to achieve the same rights as people, with none of the culpability or responsibility.
They have spent millions of dollars on legal teams that look for ways to get them out of contracts in regards to health insurance.
They have sold our privacy as a commodity.
They have used the military and police force to prevent freedom of the press.
They have deliberately declined to recall faulty products endangering lives in pursuit of profit.
They determine economic policy, despite the catastrophic failures their policies have produced and continue to produce.
They have donated large sums of money to politicians supposed to be regulating them.
They continue to block alternate forms of energy to keep us dependent on oil.
They continue to block generic forms of medicine that could save people’s lives in order to protect investments that have already turned a substantive profit.
They have purposely covered up oil spills, accidents, faulty bookkeeping, and inactive ingredients in pursuit of profit.
They purposefully keep people misinformed and fearful through their control of the media.
They have accepted private contracts to murder prisoners even when presented with serious doubts about their guilt.
They have perpetuated colonialism at home and abroad.
They have participated in the torture and murder of innocent civilians overseas.
They continue to create weapons of mass destruction in order to receive government contracts.*
To the people of the world,
We, the New York City General Assembly occupying Wall Street in Liberty Square, urge you to assert your power.
Exercise your right to peaceably assemble; occupy public space; create a process to address the problems we face, and generate solutions accessible to everyone.
To all communities that take action and form groups in the spirit of direct democracy, we offer support, documentation, and all of the resources at our disposal.

This is what my last week has felt like.

Thanks for the post, LePage.

Health Magazine Brings Fear Mongering to a Whole New Level.

Oh, piss off.

Sometimes I Forget That My Boyfriend is a God Damned Superhero.

If you're angry, just go yell at the Internet for a while.

I love that someone took the time to run through my recent blog posts and participate in the opinion poll by tagging them all "annoying."

People are so easily amused.