August 25, 2011

The Best of Rob. (With Update)

Rob is my boyfriend's cousin. We see him very rarely and when we do, he almost always has something to complain about. The last time we saw him he hijacked the conversation because he was having (Requested EDIT: "life") difficulties. He then became extra sensitive about a joke a mutual friend made and flipped out at him causing him to leave. We had stopped by the pub for nachos on the patio and ended up in the middle of a bad reality show somehow. He consistently swings by my facebook page to criticize and argue and berate things I post, and most of the time I ignore it or find humour in it because I honestly believed that he was trying to be funny and just coming off wrong. But I think I was being a bit too kind.

Indeed, the post was more to showcase in idiotic fashion the amount of people I see on a daily basis trying desperately to get me and others to read their shitty blogs. I get at least 5 tweet PMs a day asking me to check out someone's blog. They leave me blog messages with their URLs and they politely request that now, because they have read my blog, could I please read theirs. It is ridiculous, as was my facebook post. Unfortunately, it was taken a bit more seriously than I had intended and this was the ensuing thread. (That being said, no one on Twitter seemed to have trouble deciphering the humour, but that is the glory of Twitter.) Rob, not ever being someone to allow an opportunity to be a critical dick pass him by, chimed in with his comment that NO, he does NOT read my blog consistently and how sad it is that I even request it, and also can I please shut the fuck up already? He doesn't need to log into facebook each day and only see my three or four tweets and perhaps a video post that he usually enjoys. He only has 85 friends. He doesn't have the time or the patience for it right now. Also, it seems he doesn't have the patience to figure out how to block me or de-friend me either. He does, however, have all the time in the world to publicly deride me. You see, a private message asking me to take it easy on the tweet-statuses or just learning how to block someone and doing so silently would not have the added bonus of publicly shaming me. And, as anyone who has witnessed the wrath of Rob will attest, there is no pleasure in it for him if he doesn't make someone else look bad. Indeed, he is a lovely human being.

But perhaps he DOES have the right to criticize my tweets and ensuing facebook statuses? Maybe he has a point? I am the first to admit defeat and bow down to the master if one is deserving of such a title. So I went to Rob's facebook page to see what someone with such selective social media sensibilities would have to offer the world:

Well, granted, a broken dishwasher would be a drag.

School's a big event.

He built a fence. This came with pics.

Home renos... the unending saga.

Interesting. Tell me more...

I see, I see. This is getting interesting...

Rob, letting everyone know that if we want to see him, we have to work for it. Thanks, Boss.

Drivers! They be CRAZY!

With added sound effects. This is more an action status compared to his other insomnia status.

That IS awesome, Rob.

So, as you can see, it makes perfect sense that Rob feel justified in publicly calling out my tweeting/facebooking abilities. The kind of talent, ingenuity, and wit required to describe the feeling of not being able to sleep or the creativity of articulating how drivers never know how to drive should not be overlooked or overshadowed by some chick talking about punching babies and lemonade stands that don't take credit. That is grounds for any man to step in and correct my behaviour.

And so, Rob, consider this my public thank you. Thank you for making sure you went out of your way to tear me down just so I could pick myself up, dust myself off, and tell you to go fuck yourself.

It feels good, doesn't it?


Rob handled it with dignity. It was surprising and showed character.

... and I did.


Anonymous said...

I've seen Rob on your Facebook quite often. He is such a tool. All he does is write something stupid, argue about nothing, and then when he is obviously out of his league when dealing with you or your smarter friends he deletes what he wrote thinking he is funny. What a douche. I'm glad you finally said something. He was bringing everyone down and pissing everyone off everytime he decided to get involved. Fuck him!


Anonymous said...

That guy is a asshole.

denise said...

Well that post should put an end to any more bad reality show moments. Unless there is a reality show about status updates and people blogging, in which case you will get an Emmy.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Nobody does this better than you. I am shocked it took you three years to finally put this shithead in his place. He is a fucktard. I remember the one where he flipped out because you posted about the It Gets Better Campaign. He's an asshole. Good riddance.


Bee said...

@Denise: Indeed. I have to say I won't be missing the 3am snark responses and critical commentary from everyone's favourite unnecessary facebook gangsta.

And thanks for having my back, y'all.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Shit. Even still, he sounds like a grade a asshole. He should just unfriend you and be done with it. Nobody needs to have people like him in their life.


Anonymous said...

Ya, he's always rude to you. Does he not like you or something? He should just stop talking to you if he doesn't.

Anonymous said...

i remember him. fuck em. drop him like the little bitch that he is.

Anonymous said...

At least he apologized. Maybe he'll shut the fuck up and become a decent human being now?