April 4, 2011

"You are a big rat and a snake with poisenous venom. Lots of luck to authors who come here and slip in that!" -JACQUELINE HOWETT LOSES HER MIND.

My friend Amber, an author, sent this in for me with the caption "The next Peter Coffin?"
Indeed, if only for the reason that some people don't know when the hell to shut up:

http://booksandpals.blogspot.com/2011/03/greek-seaman-jacqueline-howett.html

A reviewer picked on the wrong independent author when he chose to comment on The Greek Seaman by Jacqueline Howett.


Summary?


When Jacqueline Howett got wind of his poor review, grammatically atrocious shit hit the fan:


... she then proceeded to include a few more of her other four and five star reviews from her blog/website.  Okay, okay, we get it.  This is already a sad display of desperation from someone who should be of thicker skin. After a few reader comments, Big Al addressed the author's dissatisfaction, in a polite and dignified way:


That is when it all fell apart.  Some of Jacqueline's gems:


See? Show me poor grammar!  Show me spelling errors!



Did she just say "did a booboo"?  You've got to be shitting me.


What the hell is an "emergency copy"?


The fact that she sees nothing wrong is the issue.





Well, there you have it.
Fuck off, all 300 of you. Fuck off, fellow reviewers and authors who don't know what you're talking about.  Fuck off, possible future fans who are too ignorant to know genius when you see it.  Fuck off, anyone who doesn't agree with her opinion.

If that doesn't wrap it up in a big bow, I don't know what would.

Future authors, please read further so you have a vivid picture of what kind of professional you DO NOT want to be:

GO: http://booksandpals.blogspot.com/2011/03/greek-seaman-jacqueline-howett.html?commentPage=2

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Holy shit. Take it easy, bitch.
What is going on with the world?

Da' Vane said...

Oh, the irony...

You do realise that your blog post has several spelling and grammatical errors, yet you are railing on an author who lost it and spews a spelling and grammatically erroneous rant against someone who has pointed out that her writing was full of spelling and grammatical errors.

There could only be more irony if it turns out that this comment also contains spelling and grammatical errors as well!

Bee said...

Oh, NO!
Amber, I am counting on you:

Please edit this blog post and ensure any and all grammatical errors are noted (except the ones I did on purpose which should be obvious because they are directly illustrating the author's bad grammar)

I fear the entire blog post has lost the desired effect due to my sloppy journalism skills.

Thank you, Christina, for pointing this out in such a dignified and not-at-all mocking way.

Cheers!

mikelepage said...

Wow Sheen...I had no idea that you were attempting to become a professional, published author whose very livelihood is dictated by items such as spelling and grammar or the lack thereof.

Or am I missing the point?

Or is someone else?

Y'know, I always sort of thought that when one ventured onto someones' blog, the idea was to comment on the story/post/video/rant rather than the construction of said story/post/video/rant. It seems to me that there was a point being made, but it wasn't related to the presentation of the post...it was the TOPIC OF THE POST.

And finally:

Verbal irony is a trope in which the intended meaning of a statement differs from the meaning that the words appear to express.

Situational irony involves an incongruity between what is expected or intended and what actually occurs.

In this case, it's neither...it's "This blog doesn't have spell check". Big deal.

Bee said...

I thought the point of the post was not her errors, but the fact that she refused to admit there were any and then called everyone down when they tried to get her to understand that the novel was less than spectacular for it.

I mean, she spelt "fuck off" correctly, and that was the most offensive thing about the whole affair.

Anonymous said...

I didn't think your blog was about the mistakes the author made either. The author just went nuts when people were telling her that she did have some spelling and grammar mistakes. It was her professionalism that you were getting at. At least that is what I got out of it. Maybe Devane is just trolling your blog to make fun of you and make you look bad?

Ezzie said...

Your post was written beautifully, Miss Bee. I wouldn't change a word!

Da' Vane said...

I could have sworn there were typos in there - it wasn't edited was it? Or maybe the spelling errors were catching?

Anonymous said...

There is a huge difference between posting badly written (or not) material on your blog, and self-publishing and calling it a finished novel. There is a public standard from anyone who is literate for anything considered published. That is where Ms. Howlett failed. It *appears* she wrote a novel without rewriting or proof reading by simply saying "good enough". It is not good enough. Not for what she advertises it as. "Get a cake better." is not a sentence that is allowable in any published novel that isn't about being high. That is just one absurd sentence out of numerous ones in the first two chapters. No one should defend the author unless it turns out she is a dyslexic, slightly autistic, narcissistic, manic, non-English speaker. I watched one of her videos though, and her English seems quite normal. And if she does have a hard time writing for psychological reasons, then perhaps she should only write for fun. It may be cruel, but without boundaries, we would all be writing 'books' and then where would we be?

Writing for legitimate publication is damned hard. Conceive, plan, write, dump, write, rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. If you don't want to kill it with an icepick by the time you are done, you probably did it wrong. That is why *I* don't do it. I would get to stage two and be fed up/bored with the idea. But Ms. Howett seems to think she should be accepted despite the quality of her work. I don't know, because she had intention? Her writing is SO bad that it is almost funny. Then a reviewer takes it easy, super duper easy, on her and she looses her rag. The whole yelling at the reviewer about getting the new copy of the book with the new format? If you read her blog, it was replaced because of a font problem. Not a word was changed but I guess the type became a different size, and that should change his review? She is clueless. Almost sadly so, except that her attitude sucks as bad as her writing. She demands professional respect for amateur work and that will not happen.

So, interesting story you passed along, thanks! (it is a cautionary tale)

Bee said...

@C: I didn't change a word, no, but I appreciate the lambasting comment you gave me due to ONE typo you THINK you found in my post.

@Anonymous: I couldn't have have said it better myself. Well done.
xo

Anonymous said...

Davane, it is really petty to come onto someone's blog and go apeshit all over their posting abilities.
Grow the f__k up and take your know it all bullshit somewhere else.
Some of us actually enjoy reading her blog.

Da' Vane said...

It's kind of sad really that people are perceiving me as some sort of angry troll here.

This post is basically just bullying. It's set up to lead you to hate Jacqueline Howett, and I'm just not seeing any reason why. Peter Coffin, yes, but her... No idea. Did she do something to upset either Amber or Sheena? Maybe I'm missing something, because it seems you are all reading something into this that just doesn't seem to be in there.

Likewise, you are all reading more into my actions when there just isn't anything there. I thought I saw a few typos, and I thought it was ironic there were typos when Sheena was going on about typos.

But maybe if Sheena wasn't so busy spilling venom into this post, she wouldn't be so offended by the accidental implication that she's no better than Jacqueline Howett.

Maybe if you all grew the fuck up and stopped assuming things about people based on your own petty insecurities, then you wouldn't feel the need to enjoy reading someone bully someone else, let alone defend it, and we could ALL enjoy reading her blog.

Bee said...

Oh, for the love of God, Christina, let it go already.
You sent me FOUR emails on the subject, even after I asked you to stop contacting me.

You don't see the humour or idiocy in Jacqueline Howett's actions. We do. You've made your point. REPEATEDLY.
Enough with the "spilling venom", "bullying", "tear her down" shit.
IT WAS A GOD DAMNED BLOG POST THAT PEOPLE WERE TALKING ABOUT ON THE INTERNET. Have I written on HER blog tearing into HER? No. Have I participated in the online discussion with Big Al? No.
Get a fucking hold of yourself.

You wrote to me: "If anything, it's because I am often regarded as a bully myself, yet the only people I do bully are the bullies themselves. That makes me a hero. That is what makes me AWESOME."

Great. You have bullied the perceived bully. Consider yourself the hero.

Can we shut the fuck up about this already?

Anonymous said...

bul·ly 1 (bl)
n. pl. bul·lies

1. A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people.

*JH is neither smaller nor weaker than Bee. Bee is not habitually cruel.

2. A hired ruffian; a thug.
3. A pimp.

*She obviously is not either of these.

4. Archaic A fine person.
5. Archaic A sweetheart.

v. bul·lied, bul·ly·ing, bul·lies
v.tr.
1. To treat in an overbearing or intimidating manner. See Synonyms at intimidate.

*How can you intimidate someone when you are not even talking to them?

2. To make (one's way) aggressively.
v.intr.

How aggressive is making fun of someone's online rant? Because perhaps we could all charge Bee with ASSAULT while we're at it.

1. To behave like a bully.
2. To force one's way aggressively or by intimidation

I don't think Bee had a "way". She had an opinion about a public spat that is everywhere now.

Da'vane, do you even know what a blog is? Have you ever seen Bee's Facebook? It was riddled with hilarious and stupid things meant to make us all laugh.

You are the one who has managed to make us all feel miserable with your whining and "poor Jacqueline" crap.

Maybe that is the whole point of your defense... you want to be the hero for the underdogs. You identify yourself with being the unpopular opinion so you can be seen as the hero.

WELL, BULLY FOR YOU.

mikelepage said...

I think Bee is a pimp.

Or at least she's pimptastic.

Da' Vane said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at your complete lack of empathy and awareness.

What does it matter WHERE you write something, when you tear into someone? You are still tearing into them.

More importantly, a blog isn't just for yourself - it's about sharing your opinions with others. If you write something on the internet it is public for everyone to find. I understand that there is freedom of speech, but she Jacqueline Howett didn't bring this on herself. She didn't ask Big AL to review her.

It's not like she was acting like a jerk and then people caught wind of it. She was just another self-published author. Sure, she lost it after being hounded by a hostile crowed, but how is that any different than anybody else losing it after they are being hounded. Sure, she could have handled it better, but you make her out to be a villain, when there is no evidence of that at all.

You might not be involved in winding her up, until she breaks down, but that makes no difference. Have you heard of the phrase "happy slapping?" It's an increasingly common form of bullying, where a few people will bully someone else, often violently, and record the ensuing spectacle of the distressed victim, which is often then shared by friends. How is this any different? Those friends still watch the videos and are as complicit in the initial act of bullying as the original perpetrators themselves.

This brings up the unanswered question of why? What made you feel like you needed to comment on this on your own blog? What had Jacqueline Howett done to you to make you feel like vilifying her to this degree? If you had an actual motive, maybe it might be more palatable - maybe there might be the sense that she does actually deserve it. But otherwise, there's no point.

There's no inherent humour in the comments themselves. It's not a commedian losing the plot after being heckled and unleashing a stream of scathing putdowns that are harsh and funny. It's just you picking out points to prove that Jacquline Howett is, for want of a better term, evil.

You think you don't have power, but you do. This is an abuse of that power. You can rally others around through through this blog. Those numbers, creating a pack mentality, give you power. You can bully people through this blog, if you choose to do so.

You can spot bullying and the pack mentality within the comments of several of the posts of these blogs, and it almost always starts with me and you. You assume the worst of me, and more often than not anything you respond with often involves you becoming defensive, calling the pack around you, whether you state as much. You set the tone for the response, you set up the pack mentality, and the tendancy for bullying, all based on your own assumptions. That is power. Change the assumptions, change the tone of your responses, and you change the pack. Yet, you choose not to - in fact, communications between us are constantly reminding me of how "others" are noticing how I am acting.

What makes the matters worse is not only that your assumptions are continually flawed, but you would rather continue to believe in your assumptions than actually give me any credit. You say I can't wait to criticise you, but when was the last time you actually assumed anything positive about me, and set up the pack mentality in that regard? When was the last time you did NOT question a comment of mine as having a deeper, more negative, meaning?

Bee said...

Are you trying to get me to mark you as SPAM?

I am done with this.
And with you.

Enough.

Da' Vane said...

I have said my piece, and I will leave this alone on here, as long as nobody else says anything. If they say anything, I will respond.

However, I will do you the courtesy of letting you know that I have mentioned this, as part of my scheduled blog update, due this weekend, so it won't come as a surprise.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you should have done that in the first place, instead of coming onto someone else's turf and whining that noone agrees with you. Go blab on your own damn blog and leave everyone here alone. We're are bored to tears of your fucking whining. "Miss Misunderstood"... whaa whaaa. What are you, 16?
Fuck.

Anonymous said...

Da'Vane, I wanted to see the point of your comment but you misspelled 'comedian' and the misdirected irony blinded me.

What were talking about again?

Oh, right.
DA'VANE.

Anonymous said...

Oh, fuck, now she's going to reply and get all uppity and crybaby again... fantastic.

Anonymous said...

LOL!
This post started with Jackie Howett being crazy and freaky when people don't think she is genius, and it ended with people feeling that way about some crazy chick defending her!
CLASSIC.

Anonymous said...

I still don't know what a emergency copy is supposed to be.

;)

Anonymous said...

Is the Cult of Devane her blog?
www.da-vane.com

Is that where she threatens she will post about you?
Because she bitches about everyone on that site. I think that is what she designed it for.

"No chance and no hope – everything I’ve tried to do, I’ve failed, through circumstances outside of my control. Regardless of what I do, once it comes down to other people, everything falls apart. Whether it’s people actively using my actions against me – such as the fact that I lost my homelessness application, which resulted in me dropping out of my degree course, because I was actually trying to get a degree to give myself a chance to do something – or whether it’s just the fact that I don’t get necessary support to back up any of my ideas, nothing ever works. Yet, if I don’t try, that too is used against me. I have a bunch of people in my life telling me to do something, because it will help, and then another bunch of people hindering me because I am doing what I am told, to help myself. What’s the point?"

"A big part of this seems to be the way people perceive me as a person – I’ve been outed as a troll several times just because I don’t subscribe to common fan-conceits, and don’t feel any qualms in questioning things I feel are in error. I certainly don’t hold people to be infallible, and the very notion that people are right just because they are someone is not something I hold much faith in. I don’t necessarily hold that my ideas are infallible either, but I do at least know they are not entirely without reason, yet many people simply ignore me simply because I don’t slurp up the latest offerings of their deities and beg for more."

"Ironically, I’m constantly getting accused of trolling, being unreasonable, not being able to marry my perceptions with the truth, and so forth – and every single person who has done this is someone who goes around believing what they see is the truth, in this very objective manner."

"This all comes down to two things – firstly, they don’t have to deal with the concept that they might actually be wrong, misinformed, have a flawed perception, or be anything less than perfect. To do so would undermine their own confidence and their own abilities – and pride is a very, very powerful force. Many people have continued fighting a flawed perspective as if it was the one and only truth out of sheer pride."

"With this in mind, it should be clear to see why I am upset at the likes of my friend and my beloved, and all the others. Many of them have known me for years, know these things about me, including how I am and how to handle me, yet still treat me like shit and act indignant when I get upset because they’ve fucked me off one time too many, and I decide to vent about it. I can’t be dealing with friends who are unwilling to be honest and open with me. I certainly can’t be dealing with people who believe that honesty only means not lying. I certainly cannot believe in a society that continues to believe that their perceptions are the only truth worth regarding."

My point in sharing this is to let you know that it is not personal what she is doing to you. She does it to everyone. She is losing friends left and right, someone is threatening to sue her, she whines and cries about everyone doing what she accused you of doing.

She is just a sad pathetic person who sits back and blames the rest of the world for her failures. Her blog paints a perfect picture of the kind of person she is.

Bottom line: it's not you, it's HER.

~K

Anonymous said...

I came here from Christina's post and expected to find a horrific entry bordering on slander. I don't know what she read into in this blog, but I think she has taken it too personally. I laughed when I read this, which I believe was the desired intent. What I read on most of this blog is for humour's sake. I am usually pretty patient when it comes to Christina's griping but this is a little much.
You took the piss out of a woman who became an internet sensation for a moment. We have all done that. It is part of what makes the internet great (Scumbag Steve, anyone?)
Christina has to learn to let other people live the way they choose and stop getting involved.

She has embarrassed herself here, once again.

R